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The definition of being the first born child is getting blamed for everything!! Even if it is in no way your fault at all. And example of this: one time I was at a friends house and my mother called me yelling at me because “I” had lost the television remote. She’s screaming saying I was grounded and she was going to come and pick me up. All the sudden she gets very quiet and goes “oh.” And hangs up. Turns out she had put it in the refrigerator when she was getting out some cottage cheese to eat.

ask-koki-kariya:

lastofthetimeladies:

im-a-timelord-you-ass:

lastofthetimeladies:

lastofthetimeladies:

MY MOM JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANT MY CAKE TO BE FOR MY SPIDER-MAN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I TOLD HER I WANT IT TO BE IN THE SHAPE OF ANDREW GARFIELD’S BUTT AND SHE WAS LIKE “SEND ME SOME PHOTOS I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” OH MY GOD

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

'Scuse me, but may I have a piece of that ass?

Do you know how many times I made that joke at my party

Do you

omfg

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